I’ve seen a lesbian kiwi fruit
Got a bisexual pomegranate to boot
But I’ve never seen a straight banana.

Well, I’ve been to the end of the street and back
And I own six albums by Shakatak
But I’ve never seen a straight banana

I’ve had a closeted kumquat,
gay gooseberries and what not,
But I’ve never seen a straight banana

I’ve known legumes both right and proper
Heard fruity language from a bent copper
But I’ve never seen a straight banana

My plums are bi curious
My mouldy peaches furious
But I’ve never seen a straight banana

My passion fruit has lost its ardour
Tomatoes are twixt fridge and larder
But I’ve never seen a straight banana

lyrics – Quantick/Fraser/Gray/Mackay

music – Jazz (Delicious Hot, Disgusting Cold) – Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band

from the album Straight Bananas by Tommy Mackay