I flew into space
With Ant and Dec and Chevvy Chase
I was in a film with Ross from Friends
I am the Queen at the weekends

I’m Paul Nuttall, compulsive liar
My trousers, pants, socks
And vest are on fire
I’m related to Rabbie Burns
And Danny Dyer
And I wrote The Wire

I had a golden shower
from Austin and Stephanie Powers
I was King of Mexico
Thor, god of thunder, willed it so

I’m Paul Nuttall, compulsive liar
My trousers, pants, socks
And vest are on fire
I’m related to Rabbie Burns
And Danny Dyer
And I wrote The Wire

I saved the life
Of Mr Spock and his wife
I am made of bionic parts
And world champion of Darts

I had a secret affair with the Nolan Sisters
Invented Windows NT, XP and Vista
I was with Chaka
Demus and Pliers
In the Viennese Choir

I taught Alistair Carmichael everything he knows
I built an extension to Pinnochio’s nose
I know Gordon Burns,
George Alagiah
And Barry Cryer

I gave Prometheus
The gift of fire
The gift of fire

from the album Straight Bananas by Tommy Mackay. Listen here