March 2017

Sympathy For The Reckless

  Please allow me to introduce myself I’m a man of mirth and taste I’ve been around for long, long years 50, in fact, and another eight I was around when Tony Blair Had his…


Wightman In Holyrood Parly

  Who Owns Scotland The aristocracy who came before us They handed it all down and divvied it all up But the poor had no lawyers Lords and conglomorates Scooping up all the acres We’re…



Pop Culture Bore

    You used to be unwreckable Your knowledge was impeccable Your thesis on ‘Ulysses’ was profound But now it’s all flown out the portholes in your brain You’re half insane You’re more 50 Cent…


Now Is Not The Time

We were on the cliff edge and Theresa May says Rollover Willie, Ruth and Kez, Theresa May sez Rollover So they all rolled over but Nicola said No So Theresa May said Now is not…


I Wanna Marry A Muirfield Member

I want to marry a Muirfield member And keep him company I want to marry a Muirfield member And be his caddy I’ll polish his wood by the light of day And shout Fore! and…


Let’s Flounce

Hey baby if you’ve had enough Or you’re Huckleberry Hounded off Let’s flounce Let’s flounce Do the instagram and the facebook too Unfortunately you don’t qualify for Who’s Who Let’s flounce Let’s flounce Dramatic exits…


Porn Stash

Let the sideshow begin In Japan lived a guy And this man was called Joji Onanism was his bag Till his jazz mags fought back Ever since his balls dropped He played till his eyes…



Jackie Bird

OK boys, give us one of them Reporting Scotland couthy, homely wee country vibes Haud oan to yer Auntie Beeb’s pinny Ah wella everybody’s seen Jackie Bird Bird, Bird, Bird Jackie Bird Look at yersel,…