Halfway down the steps is a step where I sit
There isn’t any other step quite like it
I’m not at the bottom, I’m not at the top
So this is the step where I always stop

Halfway up the steps isn’t up and isn’t down
Everybody thinks Ruth Davidson is still head clown
They put her on the Tory leaflets and don’t mention me
I’m in an existential crisis, don’t look at me

Halfway down the steps is a step where I sit
There isn’t any other step quite like it
And all sorts of funny thoughts run round my head
I’m not really anywhere, I’m somewhere else instead

from the EP The Muppet Tories