Runner up in the Songs In The Key Of Laugh competition 2022. “We know it’s a little puerile, but it’s just so daft and so well timed…we’ve listened to all these songs so many times and that song just gets you every time…it’s the one that we sing the most”

Hear the whole show here

When I was young
I looked upon Blue Peter with bright eyes
But one day an incident left me traumatised

Anthea Turner was presenting an item on keep fit
She wore a tight tracksuit
I couldn’t keep my eyes off it

What’s that that I see down there?
In the gusset area

chorus
Is that a tampon or a rolled up sock?
No – it’s Anthea Turner’s cock

I swear to God that’s what I saw
A lump I just could not ignore
I guess she has an ovary
She’s married to Grant Bovey

Unless she is a beard as well
It’s really hard these days to tell

chorus

My eyes, my eyes, my beautiful eyes
I’m permanently traumatised

 

from the album The Sensational Alex Salmond Band

Download mp3