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It has been revealed that the crisps nicked from the newsagent's in Aberdeen by Sam the seagull this week were, sadly, a mere gateway drug for his subsequent addiction to fags and booze. The whole sorry tale is laid bare in song format right here: Where Seagulls Dare.
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Confirmation at last that we're being run by a bunch of stoners. Thankfully, Mr Brown has confessed he's never touched the stuff. 'Fucking bunch of hippies,' drawled the Prime Miserable yesterday, 'I'm a crack cocaine man, meself.' Parliament has been adjourned while our MPs get mashed oot their heids.
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Following Alastair Campbell's cheeky revelations of Tony Blair reading the Daily Mail nude, the august journal of Middle England has come over all coy and secretly thrilled, as it gives away a free saucy calendar this weekend. Hey, we know a song about that chap, don't we? You can hear it here: Campbell's Sauce
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The BBC have confirmed they have exclusive footage which reveals that the Queen was present on the infamous grassy knoll on the day John F Kennedy was assassinated. A senior Auntie Beeb correspondent said yesterday, 'It's true, I tell you, it's troooooo.'
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The hero of the hour, Mr John Smeaton, Glasgow Airport baggage handler and internut cult, has at last been immortalised in song, courtesy of the Reckless. You can set aboot him here: Big John Smeaton. And why not enjoy the Stranglers remix while you're about it: No More Smeaton.
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The Prime Miserable has confirmed that terrorists are behind the current deluge ruining everybody's summer. 'Al Queda have control of western clouds and are wreaking havoc across the land. They're eating everything in their path!' he told a dozing House of Commons yesterday. Heather the Weather later confirmed the findings. 'It's no fair,' she squeaked, adding, 'I've met the Queen, you know.' |
WHERE SEAGULLS DARE (published 27 July 2007)
CAT MECHANIC (published 27 July 2007)
CANNABIS MINISTERS (published 20 July 2007)
MAIL MALE SHOT (published 13 July 2007)
QUEEN ON GRASSY KNOLL (published 13 July 2007)
BIG JOHN SMEATON (published 6 July 2007)
RAIN OF TERROR (published 6 July 2007)