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The agony uncle who travels incognito to avoid
affidavits
by
Perry Estelle

Edgy Britwit logic chopping on the loose

This week: REGIME

I think some of the best exercise is goose stepping. It a very vigorous way to march from A to B and great to firm up the buttocks which surprises me because most BNP members are baldy fat twats with arses like a bulldogs neck. Ko Kashun

Dr F: White supremacists love a curry giving them high cholesterol risking heart attacks and stroke.  That's why at the “Delhi Bellybuster’ restaurant in Grunty Fen they have ‘Eat as Much as you like Night for 12 rupees’ every polling week.

I have done as you suggest. I got rid of 140Ibs of ugly fat. Thankyou Doctor. Di Etingtoo

Dr F: Lets face it, assisted suicide was the best option for your Mother in law. Why go to Switzerland when I can treat her ...?  Or not...in her case?

Masturbation is good exercise. I’m still trying to get the hang of it. Please help Doctor. Cal Methick

Dr F: This is the last time I’m going to show you and don’t get any on my bowtie this time.

Is it true sex is like a five mile hike? Sally Beech

Dr F: Yes. Others call it stalking.

I do 500 squat thrusts every morning with my personal trainer. Then we start some exercises. Daff Tart

Dr F: Sounds a punishing regime. I can see why you have an ashtray by the benchpress.

Praise Allah. I’m a lazy suicide bomber and don’t want to spread myself around too much. I hate walking and prefer to take the bus, train or plane. I don’t drive anymore. Cars cost a bomb. Singed Majeep

Dr F: I think I recognize you from the papers. There was a blown up picture of you on the front.  I'd like to join you in the gym but I have run out of sutures and can see you are having trouble finding your feet.

I am to be executed in front of a firing squad so to hell with fitness. Give me a cigarette as my last request. Brian Bread

Dr F: I thought you were trying to quit?

I love long walks especially by people that annoy me. Brad Temper

Dr F: Well done! I would like to start cross country running. I just haven’t found a country small enough.

As Mother Superior of the order of “Sisters of Our Lords Mercy with Extra Virgin Olive Oil” convent my brides in Christ have strict fasting every other day to get rid of their ungodly love handles. Personally, I like something to grab hold of when flagellating an errant nun. Maria Dustman

Dr F: Your sisterhood are all due for their smear test. How many Babychams will I need this time?

I have thought about jogging once and had to have a lie down.. Is dieting and fitness the fine line between boredom and hunger?  Leah Crossmasofa

Dr F: Health and fitness can be fun. But you can show others how much fun it is by trying to shag somebody too ill or weak to fight you off.

Whats the one thing you would do before you die to attain true peace of mind in the afterlife? Father Afield

Dr F: Clear my computer history.

What is the best diet?  Finnis ARake

Dr F: If it tastes good spit it out.

How do you know when you need to exercise? Iona Rampantrabbit

Dr F: If you sit in a rocking chair and the fecker won’t start up.

see also:

Transport
Christmas
New Year
Success
Love
Health
Laughter
The Ward
Death
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More death
The Generation Gap
Intelligence
Medicine
Diet
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Body Neurosis
Smoking
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Health and Safety
Life
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Yet More Life
Even More Life
Everlasting Life
Thinking
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Definitions
More Definitions
Sleep
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Hair

General Enquiries 1
General Enquiries 2
Halloween
Sheep
Pet Hates
Dementia
Senility or Stupidity?
Conundrums
Conundrums 2
Christmas 2
Aversion Therapy
Personal Experience
Measurement
Growing Up
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Murphy's Law
Question Time
Words
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Finer Details
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Defying Description 1
Defying Description 2
Good Practice
Sex and the Law
Pigs
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Work and Life Balance

Teeth
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American Football
Political Correction
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Actual Facts 1
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Actual Facts 3
Household Hints
Ignorance
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Christmas 3
New Year Resolutions
Marriage

Stupidity
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Home Truths
Home Truths 2
Idiosyncrasy
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The Bible
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Race
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2012
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