July 2018

500 Quid

When I woke up I was expecting to see The fascists in control over in France But instead, an electric company Called Macron was in charge, I shat my pants Cos I’d wagered 500 pounds…


Stormy

Tell me I look like your daughter, spank me on the arse With a mag with your face on it, but look out for sharks I won’t play the theme from Jaws If you tighten…


Fawlty Tenements

And now for something completely diffident… You can stuff yer roads and telly and SNPs We got Theresa May and John Cleese We’re proud of our nationalism but not yours We love Lizzie, Charlie and…


David Davis Eyes

  Mention ‘impact assessments’ just once more and I’ll more than likely kill you Merkel, Merkel Angela Merkel you fervently moan is this a Pandora’s box I have unleashed and have you seen Schrodinger’s cat?…


Fashion Tips For Footballers

  Long shorts, long socks Cheeky little flash of knee Neck trim, long sleeves Massive gloves on the goalie Football fashion Football fashion Technicolour football boots Funky hairdos Artesan shin pads Crappy tattoos Waistcoat optional…


My Absolut Boy Novichok

  My boy Novichok You make my heart go giddyup You make my insides quiver Fuck my kidneys and liver Whoa oh, my boy Novichok If somebody pegs it It’ll take their minds off Brexit…


Rowling Trolling, Trolling

Rowling, trolling, trolling, keep them tweets a flowing, Keep the hatred growin’ Inside! Keep movin’, movin’, movin’ Though they’re disapprovin’ Keep them cybernats movin’ Online! Don’t try to understand ’em Just rope and throw and…


Porton Down

Porton Down

Novichok’s back! Here’s when Boris Johnson was caught lying yet again. This time over the poisoning of the Skripals and what an expert at Porton Down told him of the chemicals’ origins. Sigh… Step down…


Bigmouth Tweets Again

Donald, Donald I wasnae joking When I said I’d like to Rub a balloon on your head Donald, Donald I wasnae joking You are scum, by rights we should Cut off your tiny thumbs And…


Zippy and George

Zippy’s always running around Trying to find controversy He needs all the world to confirm He isn’t a loony George watches the balls Waves a flag and shouts too loud Zippy thinks the world would…