November 2018


Fi’s Fags

Fi was sitting in Bennet’s Bar In Edinburgh She was a little curious She had a little orange She felt a little spurious She was sucking on a lozenge She had a Marlboro hanging from…


Feartie

Originally written about David Cameron’s refusal to debate with Alex Salmond years ago, but relevant again today, now Theresa’s too feart to debate with Nicola Sturgeon. The BBC they said to me Why do you…


Granny On Bongos

Well she lives all alone in a Manchester flat She wears Pringle jumpers and a floppy hat And her one aim in life is to be in The Fall Banging some bongos, she’s waiting for…


Curmudgeon

Curmudgeon Get off the phone Curmudgeon Go it alone Leave the hardy millenials To grow by themselves Play catch up on fibre book Like and share your instant grammes Curmudgeon Hey lazy hack Curmudgeon Put…


Dance This MES Around

Dance this MES around Fall sound, Fall sound Last chance to turn around To Fall sound, Fall sound Go… Everybody goes to parties They dance this MES around They do the Middle Mass They do…


Einstein? Uh Go Go

  Einstein? Uh Go Go Einstein? Uh Go Go Einstein? Uh Go Go Donald says climate change Is a hoax and not man made Even so, come the judgement day I’ll be the one who’s…


He Only Killed One Journalist

  The Saudi Arabia crown prince He gives me loads of cash I’m not the person to convince He might be a little rash Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this? Are you…


She Conned Her Papa (Ivanka)

  What she did with her emails Is so criminal Is so dishonest Is so shocking She was willing to risk our foreign enemies reading her emails She lied a dog on her emails She…


Noel Edmonds Cancer Box

It’s No.1 It’s Top of the Pops It’s Noel Edmonds’ Cancer Box There’s a man with a plan And a helicopter and a gunge tank He’s mistra Noel He’s not weird, and his beard In…