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Canedolia (An Off-Concrete Scotch Fantasia)
by Edwin Morgan
music – Tommy Mackay

oa! hoy! awe! ba! mey!

who saw?

rhu saw rum. garve saw smoo. nigg saw tain. lairg saw lagg. rigg saw eigg. largs saw haggs. tongue saw luss. mull saw yell. stoer saw strone. drem saw muck. gask saw noss. unst saw cults. echt saw Banff. weem saw wick. trool saw twatt.

how far?

from largo to lunga from joppa to skibo from ratho to shona from ulva to minto from tinto to tolsta from soutra to marsco from braco to barra from alva to stobo from fogo to fada from gigha to gogo from kelso to stoma from hirta to spango.

what is it like there?

och it’s freuchie, it’s faifley, it’s wamphray, it’s frandy, it’s sliddery.

what do you do?

we foindle and fungle, we bonkle and meigle and maxpoffle. we scotstarvit, armit, wormit, and even whifflet. we play at crossstobs,leuchars, gorbals, and finfan. we scavaig, and there’s aye a bit of tilquhilly. If it’s wet, treshnish and mishnish.

what is the best of the country?

blinkbonny! airgold! thundergay!

and the worst?

scrishven, shiskine, scrabster, and snizort.

listen! what’s that?

catacol and wauchope, never heed them.

tell us about last night

well, we had a wee ferintosh and we lay on the quiraing. It was pure strontian!

but who was there?

petermoidart and craigenkenneth and cambusputtock and ecclemuchty and corriehulish and balladolly and altnacanny and clauchanvrechan and stronachlochan and auchenlachar and tighnacrankie and tilliebruaich and killieharra and invervannach and achnatudlem and machrishellach and inchtamurchan and auchterfechan and kinlochculter and ardnawhallie and invershuggle.

and what was the toast?

schiehallion! schiehallion! schiehallion!