Oh where did you find this list my son?
It was on the internet
Well read it out – go on

Damien Green, first secretary of state, handsy at parties
Dan Poulter, impregnated former researcher
Andrew Mitchell, inappropriate with women, including interviews and paid a female to be quiet
Stephen Crabb, sexual relations with special adviser and inappropriate with women
A hard rain’s a gonna fall

Matt Hancock, minister of state, sexual relations with member of his private office
Boris Johnson, foreign secretary, NDA between him and researcher
Mark Garnier, minister, inappropriate with women, asked PA to buy sex toys
David Morns, inappropriate with female and male staff and
Michael Fallon, defence secretary, odd sexual penchants and sexual with fellow MP Mike Freer – a drunk

It’s a list, just a list, someone made it up who’s pissed
But a hard rain’s a gonna fall

George Hollingberry, PPS to PM, handsy with women
Nigel Adams, whip, sexual relations with Robert Hallon’s researcher and others
Conor Burns, inappropriate with male researchers
Charlie Elphicke, inappropriate with female researchers
Nigel Evans, inappropriate with male researchers – long history
Guy Opperman, minister DWP, nicknamed Guy Copperfeel – handsy with females

It’s a list, just a list, someone made it up who’s pissed
But a hard rain’s a gonna fall

Jake Berry, minister DCLG, impregnated Boris Johnson’s office manager
Bob Stewart, perpetually intoxicated and very inappropriate with women
Chris Heaten-Harris, whip, inappropriate with female researchers and handsy in taxis
Chris Pincher, whip, inappropriate with male researchers and heavy drinker and touched Tom Blenkinsop
Michael Fabricant, inappropriate with male journalist in a taxi
Michael Ellis, deputy leader, takes his personal trainer to the cinema and to private rooms at Carlton
Robert Halfon, inappropriate with female researchers
John Whittingdale, inappropriate with female researchers and uses prostitution for odd sexual acts
Liz Truss, Chief Secretary, fornicated with male researchers whilst back bench MP
Daniel Kawcrynski, inappropriate with male researchers
John Hayes, transport minister, inappropriate with female private office staff
Liam Fox – Adam Werritty!
Alan Male, inappropriate with female researchers and journalists and asked to take 3 female aides on holiday
Claire Perry, transport minister, inappropriate with male MPs after and pre divorce
Chris Skidmore, Cabinet Office minister, inappropriate with females
Rory Stewart, minister, asked female researcher to do odd things
Steve Double, affair with female researcher who was married to journalist at his local paper
Will Wragg, video exists of three males urinating on him
Dom Raab, justice minister, injunction for inappropriate behaviour with a woman
Grant Shapps, affair
Nicholas Soames, inappropriate with female researchers (historic)
Amber Rudd, home secretary, workplace relationship with PPS to the chancellor
Alun Cairns, Welsh secretary, likes to have intercourse with men who are wearing women’s perfume