Whomp That Sucker
The Oblongs
Intended as the opening theme to a TV show called The Oblongs but never used. ‘High affabilty/low flexibility’ and suchlike. Harmless nonsense.
Love Can Conquer All
Originally part of the 1992 unauthorised release of various demos. Included as a bonus track on the 25th Anniversary release of Gratuitous Sax and Senseless Violins. Interesting, but indistinct.
Wacky Women
Proper glam stomper. Gotta love the cheeky way Russell introduces himself. What a treat. Full in your face, joyful celebration of wackiness with a total disregard of nuanced wit: ‘All they like is sex and sitcoms. Try to be suave, they’ll kick you in the bonbons.’
That’s Not Nastassia
Uber dramatic intro into a simply splendidly camp tirade. The repetition of the title in a whiny voice gives the song its main motivating motif, with a strained high voice adding extra incredulity about all these pretenders to the original’s ‘Nastassianic ways.’
Suzie Safety
Nice sharp clipped piano and guitars here. It’s a competent little tune but you keep expecting it to develop into something else, to fly off on a tangent or add extra layers but it just soldiers on. In a good way. Health and Safety before Health and Safety was a thing.
Don’t Shoot Me
Apt plodding drums and guitar riff, echoing the rhinos and hippos in the song. Well daft story about said bulky animals coming home for dinner, compared to the hunter coming home to his unfaithful wife. Quite.
The Willys
Sound effects a go go with quack quacks and moos. It’s great fun though. I don’t know if the willys is a purely British expression, but in Sparks hands it’s described beautifully. As it says in the song, ‘It’s hard to explain. Like Citizen Kane to someone who’s blind.’
I Married A Martian
Built around some simple piano chord changes that never gives up. No fat on these bones. Even the guitar solo fits beautifully. Yet another great pop song with unforgettable hooks. Plus, the rhyming of ‘Martian’ with ‘different’ is quite a feat in itself.
Upstairs
Brilliant stuff with all the glam trappings. Damned exciting and those drums and handclaps are the icing on the delicious cake. Got a Devo like vibe to it and makes you want to move. All about the brain and how it’s crammed with creative/murderous possibilities.
Where’s My Girl?
The sound and feel is reminiscent of Kimono era Sparks – the falsetto is certainly prominent as is the quickening change. The whole gamut of emotions is run through from panic, through fear, hate, envy and resentment. I like how he tells himself to calm down, realising he’s getting hysterical and the sudden turnaround from ‘Never will I look at another girl’ to ‘Hey wait, here she is.’
Funny Face
Another straight ahead chugger with an addictive chorus. The perils of plastic surgery given a unique twist in that the protagonist prefers to have a flawed, more human, ‘funny’ face than a smooth unnatural mask. And that’s an…er… interesting video.
Tips For Teens
Tip top punchy good time pop song. Has many of the ingredients of a classic Sparks tune, including crisp production, high pitched catchy chorus and hilarious lyrics with a touch of polyester: ‘Do I look so knowing and old and wise? Maybe it’s those Dacron ties.’