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A Cold Tinny In KG

  During the covid I’ve been drinking beer On sunny days I drink outside And you can hear it in my accent when I talk I’m an East coaster in Strathclyde See me walking down…

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Aberdeen Anguish

  Aberdeen anguish Mind yer virus Oh dear, Nicola Sturgeon’s really mad at Aberdeen Now eight of their players have been placed in quarantine They went out for a drink and what do you think…


When Will I Be Ruth Davidson?

  Yes, you’re suitably at one With The Scotsman and The Sun Yes, you are You’ve read Karl Marx And you’ve taught yourself to dance You’re the best by far But you keep asking the…


Douglas Useless

  Well, hello, my name is Douglas Douglas Useless I am the new Scottish Tory boss The only thing that people know about me Is that I hate gypsies and I am a referee Now…


Lower Than The World

  There are people dying We can’t go on Pretending day-by-day Lower than the world Lower than Europe Lower than the Death Star and entire galactic empire There’s a choice you’re making You’re not saving…



Lady Bauchle

  She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle Now she’s wrapped in ermine Scuttling with the…


Carlaw Jackson

And he’s off!   He got carried away in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout Talkin’ ’bout Carlaw Jackson What the fuck are you banging on about? Carlaw Jackson, he’s gonna blow a fuse,…


Bollocks!

As Brian Blessed trends again for cursing on telly, we remember his finest swearfest:


Modern Major Orator

  I am the very model of a modern major orator I wiffle and I waffle – a great stammerer and stutterer I know the queen of England, and I quote Latin historical My verbal…