News

Boris In Scotland

  Boris in Scotland When will we hear those boos again? If you care so much then Why not stay and pretend You’re drinking whisky Oh, your grasp of detail And soaring oratory Is just…


Closer

  It’s closer than it’s ever been And now it’s even closer And now it’s even closer And now it’s even closer It’s closer than it’s ever been And now it’s even closer And now…


Sue, You Are Shouting At Tea

In the absence of any other Gavin Williamson song, here’s one about tea, which the great pudding was posing with yesterday.   Boom, log on We’re not corporate we’re nice, can’t you see? Boom, log…


Walk The Wark

  Kirsty Wark thinks she can talk the talk But Kirsty Wark can’t even Kirsty Wark She tried to make a documentary To frame Alex Salmond on the BBC It’s pretty obvious she thought that…


Trowels in Laybys

  Ever seen a tourist on the road Trying to take a shit outside Ever seen a camper being told To go and take a hike So what is the solution here? The Highland cooncil…


S.C.U.M.

  Well, I’m sitting here looking at the Scottish Tories It’s so sad When you’re Ruth To be telt By Nicola Surgeon So watch out for acronyms Describing you to a t Scottish Conservative Unionist…


Simon Cowell’s Bright Red Tits

  He’s the music devil incarnate, a self-denying caveman And now he’s got a child. Oh great – is it called Damien? It’s an omen, it’s an omen And his chest hair has got nits…


A Cold Tinny In KG

  During the covid I’ve been drinking beer On sunny days I drink outside And you can hear it in my accent when I talk I’m an East coaster in Strathclyde See me walking down…


Aberdeen Anguish

  Aberdeen anguish Mind yer virus Oh dear, Nicola Sturgeon’s really mad at Aberdeen Now eight of their players have been placed in quarantine They went out for a drink and what do you think…


When Will I Be Ruth Davidson?

  Yes, you’re suitably at one With The Scotsman and The Sun Yes, you are You’ve read Karl Marx And you’ve taught yourself to dance You’re the best by far But you keep asking the…