Fashion

Forever In Good Genes

  We all know the news is fake They’re calling me a Jaffa Cake And Cheesy Wotsit Oompa Loompa man They’re questioning my hue, and cry “He’s as red as his massive tie” And then…

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Stand And Deliver

I’m the dour Scotsman that you’re too scared to mention I spent your cash on banking gash And nuclear deterrents The devil take your principles And socialist intentions You’re all a bunch of bigots And…


Robert De Niro’s Fighting

A suspect package similar to those sent to CNN and senior Democrats has been sent to a New York restaurant owned by Robert De Niro. When Bob came out fighting against Donald Trump we setĀ his…


Socks On Fire

  The racists are raging Burning their shoes They don’t like Nike Nike All this commotion For taking the knee Affecting their psyche Crikey You Your socks are on fire Hand me my scissors I’ll…


Scottish Political Anoraks

  Here are the clinical Unpolished facts For Scottish political anoraks Outside your bubble Nobody cares That you’re taking the trouble To split bawhairs Oh relax, don’t do it, when you want to retweet it…


Jim Murphy’s Hair

Fundily Mundily Murphy has risen again. Any excuse to dust down this old classic: Are you looking at Jim Murphy’s hair? It has changed from mousey to white Remember studying for nine years and failing…


My Beautiful Ninja

  A Japanese city has been forced to clarify it is not in fact recruiting ninjas, following reports that it was facing a shortage of skilled assassins. That’s a shame. I was in the best…


Fashion Tips For Footballers

  Long shorts, long socks Cheeky little flash of knee Neck trim, long sleeves Massive gloves on the goalie Football fashion Football fashion Technicolour football boots Funky hairdos Artesan shin pads Crappy tattoos Waistcoat optional…


Hair Tonic

Uh huh, look at that sheen So lustrous,so clean Maybe it’s Maybelline So clean, so clean Uh huh, does he use creams? It gleams, it gleams Oh, Trump’s hair is beautiful Oh, what’s his secret?…