Barrattland
Back in the Barrowlands there is a back room Full of discarded Docs and scuffed monkey boots People ringing up asking where’s my ripped trainers? I lost them in the mosh pit pogoing last…
Hear hereFashion
Jimmy Hats
The tourist board sell Jimmy hats A tartan bunnet with ginger hair hanging out Oh, you wanna buy some Jimmy hats I blame Russ Abbot – he fills me with dread Cut off his…
Monobrowed Girl
Hey, where do we go? What is a nightclub? Nobody knows But it isn’t the pub Can I go dancin?, hey, hey Skippin’ the queue, jumpin’ in I don’t need no covid certificate Oh,…
Alan Titchmarsh’s Jumper
I went down to the museum, To try and expand my cultural horizons, They had an exhibition on Gardeners’ World With lots of sound advice about what fertilizer Is best for growing your herbaceous…
Big Dom’s Blouse
Dom and Laura sitting in a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G Interviewing for the BBC Pretending to be shocked but we could only see the big blouse (Big blouse) Big Dom’s blouse (big blouse) Nobody seemed to…
Masks On, We’re All Marxists Now
I don’t want to share my whisky but still do I don’t need to spend my money but still do Don’t pull a strop now, c’mon Strap it on now, c’mon It’s not a…
Scottish Political Anoraks
Here are the clinical Unpolished facts For Scottish political anoraks Outside your bubble Nobody cares That you’re taking the trouble To split bawhairs Oh relax, don’t do it, when you want to retweet it…
Fear Of Cotton
It’s covid time, and anti-maskers are afraid At covid time, to put cotton on their face And in our world of plenty, they can only think of themselves Raise your scissors high guys at…
Margaret Thatcher Y Fronts
Here come the “free speech” columnists Making profit for their boss Flexing their unsubtle wrists Tossing off some right wing toss In a national newspaper You’ll hear their constant moan Screaming out “Where’s our…
Cummings!
Dominic Cummings has been hired to help run No.10 So who is the divisive figure playing a key role in the government’s Brexit strategy? From Smurfland where we belong You don’t seem to know…