Michael Portillo’s Red Chinos
Always on TV, on another journey Michael Portillo’s red Chinos Off on a train, again and again Michael Portillo’s red Chinos I even saw them in Fife, heading up to Dundee It’s not top…
Fashion
Only Pools And Horse Manure
As Glasgow’s Lord Provost reveals her shoes and knickers collection, we are reminded of the old MPs expenses scandal of yore: Stick a pony in me pocket I’ll pay for riding lessons too If…
Sensible Shoes
Sensible shoes, people Sensible shoes We’ve got a lot of marching and protesting to do Sensible shoes, people Sensible shoes It will be nourishing for our souls, so make sure your soles are new…
These Boots Won’t Get To Woking
You keep saying you got something for us Something called Brexit but confess You just keep sayin’ Brexit means Brexit And no-one knows what is coming next These boots won’t get to Woking Never…
Washing My Own Chandeliers
I am so down to earth that I’m Washing me own chandeliers Da, da, da, da, da, I am smoking a fag And I’m having a couple of beers It is not so easy…
Forever In Good Genes
We all know the news is fake They’re calling me a Jaffa Cake And Cheesy Wotsit Oompa Loompa man They’re questioning my hue, and cry “He’s as red as his massive tie” And then…
Stand And Deliver
I’m the dour Scotsman that you’re too scared to mention I spent your cash on banking gash And nuclear deterrents The devil take your principles And socialist intentions You’re all a bunch of bigots And…
Socks On Fire
The racists are raging Burning their shoes They don’t like Nike Nike All this commotion For taking the knee Affecting their psyche Crikey You Your socks are on fire Hand me my scissors I’ll…
Jim Murphy’s Hair
Fundily Mundily Murphy has risen again. Any excuse to dust down this old classic: Are you looking at Jim Murphy’s hair? It has changed from mousey to white Remember studying for nine years and failing…
My Beautiful Ninja
A Japanese city has been forced to clarify it is not in fact recruiting ninjas, following reports that it was facing a shortage of skilled assassins. That’s a shame. I was in the best…