Washing My Own Chandeliers
I am so down to earth that I’m Washing me own chandeliers Da, da, da, da, da, I am smoking a fag And I’m having a couple of beers It is not so easy…
Fashion
Forever In Good Genes
We all know the news is fake They’re calling me a Jaffa Cake And Cheesy Wotsit Oompa Loompa man They’re questioning my hue, and cry “He’s as red as his massive tie” And then…
Stand And Deliver
I’m the dour Scotsman that you’re too scared to mention I spent your cash on banking gash And nuclear deterrents The devil take your principles And socialist intentions You’re all a bunch of bigots And…
Socks On Fire
The racists are raging Burning their shoes They don’t like Nike Nike All this commotion For taking the knee Affecting their psyche Crikey You Your socks are on fire Hand me my scissors I’ll…
Jim Murphy’s Hair
Fundily Mundily Murphy has risen again. Any excuse to dust down this old classic: Are you looking at Jim Murphy’s hair? It has changed from mousey to white Remember studying for nine years and failing…
My Beautiful Ninja
A Japanese city has been forced to clarify it is not in fact recruiting ninjas, following reports that it was facing a shortage of skilled assassins. That’s a shame. I was in the best…
Fashion Tips For Footballers
Long shorts, long socks Cheeky little flash of knee Neck trim, long sleeves Massive gloves on the goalie Football fashion Football fashion Technicolour football boots Funky hairdos Artesan shin pads Crappy tattoos Waistcoat optional…
Hair Tonic
Uh huh, look at that sheen So lustrous,so clean Maybe it’s Maybelline So clean, so clean Uh huh, does he use creams? It gleams, it gleams Oh, Trump’s hair is beautiful Oh, what’s his…
All I Want For Christmas Is A Torphichen Inn Away Kit
I placed a Torphichen order at the Torphichen Inn I’ll have a long Torphichen glass of Torphichen gin And what do you do for fun around these Torphichen parts? You got any Torphichen snooker or…
Jimmy Hats
The tourist board sell Jimmy hats A tartan bunnet with ginger hair hanging out Oh, you wanna buy some Jimmy hats I blame Russ Abbot – he fills me with dread Cut off his…