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Cock In A Tik Tok

  Bitter, batter… Butter, butter…. Tosser One little slogan Done to death What a cunning stunt What a PR triumph Build back better But just change one letter It’s stinking patter Fucking stinking patter It’s…

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Grand Old Duke

  Oh the grand old Duke of York Had no discernible income So the queen is coughing up for him Now isn’t that fair dinkum So when you’re old and greying And your pension is…


Petrol Station Wankers

  Syphoning the jet fuel mix of That Petrol Emotion’s ‘Big Decision’ combined with the drive by shouting of a yoot in a car.   see also: Don’t Come Back You Wanker Stranded At The…


Brexit Street

  Stick the covid up yer jacksy I’ve got another cunning plan Just a few suggestions Don’t ask me questions I’m a non-answerable man How everything works is a mystery It’s like the changing of…


Running Out Of Energy

  Is your thermostat still working Can you turn the heating down Is your supplier still in business Or been driven into the ground Remember back before all this shit Running wild and running free…


Microbachius Dicki

  Sex was invented in Scotland In case you didn’t know By Microbachius Dicki It was a little tricky But they did it very well Oh what a glorious nation We invented copulation A fish,…



The Country Is Full

  The country is full, full of idiots and fools There’s a portrait of the queen that’s been left in Kabul Should it be destroyed or should they save her face What an embarrassment, what…


Eco Zealot Marxist

  What price will Scotland pay Asks Andrew Neil today The Greens and SNP are pissing on his tree I’m anti- monarchy Anti-wealth And anti-British Why must I be an eco-zealot Marxist? It’s not like…


The Sea Is Closed

  The sea is closed, so I can’t afford To wade in on my paddle board I am the kind of guy Who makes up shit like that Oh, oh I’m a foreign secretary who…