Chris Whitty
Step up to the podium Lockdown, isn’t it a pity Here’s the CMO, Chris Whitty Compared to Matt Hancock, he’s pretty He’s a fan of Scritti Polliti All around, people looking half dead But…
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Is That Covid?
I can’t be arsed doing anything, Now is that covid? I’m shit at snooker and dancing, Now is that covid? The sweater, sweater, sweatier I get The more that I forget If that is…
Scottish Tory Six Chip Twat
I’m an MP child with a dead-end smile And a worm’s-eye point of view I know my way round Kincardine, eh? But I haven’t got a clue Now I regularly get asked as Conservative…
A Glaswegian In Kensington Sainsbury’s
“There’s a Glaswegian in Kensington Sainsbury’s…” Somebody wrote in a tweet “…asking security if they’ve seen his parakeet.”
Don’t Come Back You Wanker
Slip inside the flap of your tent Oh Toto we’re not in Kent Anymore This looks like the Highlands to me Or it could be Elie I don’t really know If they start a…
A Cold Tinny In KG
During the covid I’ve been drinking beer On sunny days I drink outside And you can hear it in my accent when I talk I’m an East coaster in Strathclyde See me walking down…
Lady Bauchle
She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle Now she’s wrapped in ermine Scuttling with the…
Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV
They say listening to Metallica can calm a monkey down But listening to Trump can make a housefly frown He’s just saying words that don’t make any sense Octopus, verandah, look a squirrel on…
Keep The Heid
“It’s in everybody’s interest that we just all keep the heid around this and do the right things.” Keep the heid Keep the heid I was thirsting for a beer (keep the heid, keep…
Masks On, We’re All Marxists Now
I don’t want to share my whisky but still do I don’t need to spend my money but still do Don’t pull a strop now, c’mon Strap it on now, c’mon It’s not a…