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Rutherglen

  Once upon a time not so very long ago There was a little thing called a lockdown, oh You had to stay at home and listen to the radio Then came a man with…


I Am The Misconception

  Down, down, I’ll bring you down I’m typing bollocks And conspiracies on twitter now Stone me, why can’t you see You should be trashing masts and blaming 5G And Bill Gates Don’t waste your…


It All Now

  Everytime you hear this song You have to tell everyone Or else the joke doesn’t work at all ‘I’ve heard it all now’ you can say Cos that’s the title. Type away. I’ve heard…


Is That Covid?

  I can’t be arsed doing anything, Now is that covid? I’m shit at snooker and dancing, Now is that covid? The sweater, sweater, sweatier I get The more that I forget If that is…


Scottish Tory Six Chip Twat

  I’m an MP child with a dead-end smile And a worm’s-eye point of view I know my way round Kincardine, eh? But I haven’t got a clue Now I regularly get asked as Conservative…




A Cold Tinny In KG

  During the covid I’ve been drinking beer On sunny days I drink outside And you can hear it in my accent when I talk I’m an East coaster in Strathclyde See me walking down…


Lady Bauchle

  She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle Now she’s wrapped in ermine Scuttling with the…


Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV

  They say listening to Metallica can calm a monkey down But listening to Trump can make a housefly frown He’s just saying words that don’t make any sense Octopus, verandah, look a squirrel on…