1981 -82
Maybe things were just getting too po-faced on the music scene or maybe I was just bored with trying to write serious songs. The title and cover of this double album’s worth of shenanigans though, might just have been ironic. There definitely seems to have been a concerted effort in making more straightforward tunes and melodies. The thought of ‘maturing’ still appears to rankle, although I was still studiously avoiding what I deemed to be mainstream conformity. Always the rebel, never the bore. Or always the boring rebel. I refashioned/reworded some of these tracks for later projects. This was a period where I was in Third Light, but also writing a lot of my own stuff. Nothing too fancy though. There’s a lot to like, even though a lot of tracks have been omitted from the original magnum opus. Along with the simplistic catchy pop songs and the like, I also messed about with attempts at stylophone and instrumental type nonsense, none of which I’ve included here because they are absolutely horrific.
A Kind Of Maturity (Remastered)
Played live with Third Light and possibly Voice Toys. Note how 58 is ancient and 65 year olds are ‘fogeys.’ Later updated to ‘Fall Clichés’
He bursts into the bar, hurls his cap on the floor
Opens his big mouth, swears loudly
He’s just turned 19, Christ he’s so obscene
Following in father’s footsteps
And all around him – fogeys of about 65
They talk about how good it is to be alive
He smiles admiringly and says, ‘Well, yeah – that’s life’
And then he starts to moan about ‘the bloody wife.’
19 year old body, 58 year old mind
Brainwashed to the point of being senile
His life is so empty, he is reduced
To dreaming about his pension
He’s really looking forward to history
So he can tell his friends how it used to be
Sighs with disgust, reading the headlines every day
But as long as he’s got a face to punch then he’s OK
Bland comprehension of the way things should be
His main outlooks are safeness and security
A fully paid up member of the non-risk league
It’s supposed to be some kind of maturity
But not mine
Everybody’s ageing
Everyone’s in jail
Everybody’s dying
No-one’s getting bail
Original recording:
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Possessive (Remastered)
When winning the pools was a thing. Later updated to ‘Seraphema’ on the 666 Great Junction Street album.
Sometimes when you look around
And you wonder if crime pays
It seems the population needs
Another off beat craze
Sometimes I feel so possessive
Chained to desks and chained to law
In factories and in schools
No one questions what is next
We want to win the pools
Sometimes I feel so possessive
The ones who stay in trust just might be free
Original recording:
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Just Say (Remastered)
Jangly, and rhythmically challenging. Or reflecting the awkward insecurity on display here.
Closer than usual, you’re breathing too fast
Gulping air
You lie when you say that you’re happy and don’t have a care
Please don’t touch the fragile in me again
I’ll tell everybody that we’re not friends
Sweeter than usual, there must be a plot in your head
What are you scheming and when are you coming to bed?
Please don’t touch the fragile in me again
I’ll tell everybody that we’re not friends
You’re planning leaving or maybe something worse
Just say, just tell me
There’s no need to burst again
Just say, just tell me
Original recording:
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Living For Kicks (Remastered)
Fuzzy tribute to Ronald Reagan
He’s walking down the road as though he hasn’t a care
He flicks another quarter dollar up into the air
Whistling a made up tune and he never swears
Unless it’s to a commie, cos they have to be told
He’s living for kicks, dying for danger
We’re in a fix, he’s getting stranger
He might not have his finger on the pulse anymore
But he’s certainly got his finger on the button
The missiles are all lined up and they’re all on course
And pretty soon we’ll all be drawing curtains
Stranded on a desert island, only one book
The good book, the only book…
He punches it several times
Just another cracked actor looking for a role
This time he has finally got the big one
A multi-million dollar extravaganza
Sensational disaster movie
Run, Ron, run
Original recording:
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Trial And Error (Remastered)
‘Keep your story short and well versed’ could be my philosophy at this point.
Take a step forward for the worse
Take a leap backwards for the better
Keep your story short and well versed
Try to write a different letter
You can at least work it out
Don’t give in at first doubt
Positive thoughts can imply
A rational state of mind
If you make a fool of yourself
You’ll know to get it right next time
Trial and error
Things’ll get better
Trial and error
They couldn’t get much worse
Experiments can lead to a fall
If the right formula’s not there at all
New ways of explaining our lives
Different ways of twisting the knife
How will you know you were right
If you give up without a fight
Original recording:
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Hero Worship (Remastered)
I have a distinct memory of composing this song in my head as I stood at one of the compressing machines at the metal shaping factory I worked in at the time.
Ever since I was a little boy my parents told me that
To stare out of the window is a crime
Now that I have grown up, well at least I think I have
My friends are telling me that I am wasting time
And when I’ve got a beer belly and 7 children to support
And they all look up to me for advice
I’ll just say, I don’t know, go your own way
And they’ll turn to me and tell me that I am just being nice
Why does everybody love the hero?
Why does no-one like to see the cool man falling?
Every now and then I get a feeling
I could just stand up and then say no
When I try to say something important you can bet your life
That people will just turn round and ignore
Every word I say and then at the end of the day they’ll say
Well, why did you not tell us that before?
Why does everybody love the hero?
Why does no-one like to see the cool man falling?
Every now and then I get a feeling
I could just stand up and then say no
Meanwhile on the telly, there’s a damsel crying in distress
And all around her, flames are rising high
Here he comes – the dashing smoothie, god I wish he’d trip
And we could all sit back and laugh and watch him fry
Why does everybody love the hero?
Why does no-one like to see the cool man falling?
Every now and then I get a feeling
I could just stand up and then say no
I could just stand up
I could just stand up and then just say no to your face
Oh, oh, oh…
Look out of your window tonight
Original recording:
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Face It (Remastered)
Terrible rhyme klaxon – slag him off/Smirnoff
Face it – you don’t have a clue
Face it – you make things harder
Face it – you don’t have a clue
Face it – you make things harder
For yourself
All the time
Personal politics
Hating that and hating this
He’s not here, we’ll slag him off
Over Russian Smirnoff
Face it – you don’t have a clue
Face it – you make things harder
Face it – you don’t have a clue
Face it – you make things harder
For yourself
All the time
Made up words and made up eyes
Telling strangers made up lies
Next day it’s another rule
I saw through your petty cool
Face it – you don’t have a clue
Face it – you make things harder
Face it – you don’t have a clue
Face it – you make things harder
For yourself
All the time
For yourself
All the time
Face it
Original recording:
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It’s In His Hands (Remastered)
An opportunity to sneak in that happy clappy classic ‘He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands.’
Fine
So you want to make sure that there’s nobody in your way
And you think you’re going to gain something by running away
Don’t you know that it’s in his hands
Take me
Save me
God knows
It’s in his hands
Fate
Is it something that runs your whole life from day to day
Or maybe it ruins your life in every way
And you know that it’s in his hands
The Salvation Army is ready
To take you home to mum and daddy
You
Seem to be reaching for something that’s never there
When I say that I love you, you never seem to care
And you know that it’s in his hands
He’s got the whole world in his hands
Original recording:
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Somebody’s Children (Remastered)
The words just fitted the rhythm. Nothing more profound than that.
I don’t expect you to see why
I think your justice is wrong
Somebody’s children are saying
Protect the weak from the strong
Relying on tradition
And sucking up to god
Shows some inhibition
No anger or no cross
To somebody’s children, somebody’s child
Somebody’s children
The meek and the mild
I don’t suppose that it matters
Who is in charge of us all
They will just find any reason
To throw us against the wall
Things have to improve
Things have to progress
I don’t need a groove
I will just give less
To somebody’s children, somebody’s child
Somebody’s children
The meek and the mild
Original recording:
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Prophecy (Remastered)
The ‘stepping on my soul’ rhythm is my favourite bit. Updated in 2024 to Phoresy
Love me, trust me, hate me, kick me
I am sorry I was silly
Stepping on my soul in time
Stepping on my soul with feeling
A prophecy, a prophecy
Someone, somewhere, some hope, some care
What does this mean?
Tell me if you dare
A prophecy, a prophecy
Original recording:
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Cheer Up (Remastered)
A riposte to the old ‘Cheer up – it might never happen’ platitude.
Why you look so sombre
Why you look so low
Hey, let’s go out window shopping
Maybe buy some clothes
For god’s sake cheer up
I said for god’s sake cheer up
Stop looking yuch
For god’s sake cheer up
No-one’s always happy
But no-one’s always sad
Don’t know why you’re acting moody
Things can’t be that bad
For god’s sake cheer up
I said for god’s sake cheer up
Stop looking yuch
For god’s sake cheer up
There’s always something out the window
There’s always something out the window
There’s always something out the window
Original recording:
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Word Of Mouth (Remastered)
Another one which was later updated for the 666 Great Junction Street album.
Mouth to mouth resuscitation
Everyone across the nation
Talking ’bout the latest news
Someone stabbed an honest man
They caught him in a yellow van
And drove him to the nearest tomb
It circulated word of mouth
It just got out of hand
Oh my god, just what a shock
Gossip columns, hi-brow actors
Messing round on Massey tractors
Laying down their bales of hay
Have you seen your next door neighbour
Does he talk to you and say that
Someone’s wife has ran away
It circulated word of mouth
It just got out of hand
Oh my god, just what a shock
So I sit alone and drink
And someone says what do you think
Your girlfriend’s never coming back
I said that I knew that already
How the hell did you?
He said he got it off a cornflakes pack
Original recording:
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Fish Out Of Water (Remastered)
Just an out and out pop song with lots of hooks (ba dum tssh)
Riddled in old lipstick is another kind of fashion
Everybody says that it is going out of style
I can’t see the point apart from physical attraction
Now they try to tell me that I’ll have to wait a while
They’re never out of date
They’re never out of date
They’re never out of date
Look around the corner, there’s a band of marching leeches
Looking for a course to follow, never turn up late
Soon they’ll all be lying on a mile of sunny beaches
And all the other later hangers on will have to wait
They’re never out of date
They’re never out of date
They’re never out of date
Mounting, mounting, mounting
OK, OK, something’s mounting up
Mounting, mounting, mounting
OK, OK, something’s mounting up
Mounting up
I’m like a fish out of water
Of water, of water oh oh
Fish out of water
Of water, of water oh oh
Like a lamb to the slaughter
The slaughter, the slaughter oh oh
Lamb to the slaughter
The slaughter, the slaughter oh oh
I can feel the spite, I can feel your eyes
As they’re penetrating through
Look me up and down
You ridiculous clown
No-one owes a thing to you
Original recording:
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Once Too Often (Remastered)
A call to arms and legs to gyrate on Whitehall.
Here is a boy looking for a day job
He needs to work, tired of being called slob
He’s been told no once too often
Something must break or he’ll suffer
There is a man offering out wages
All he wants back is your soul
He’s been saying yes once too often
He’s been swearing yes once too often
Kick it in the head
Just like me
Everybody dance on Downing Street
Here is a thief looking for some action
He feels the need to steal more
He’s been in jail once too often
He feels the need to steal more
Original recording:
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I’m Never Anti-Social (Remastered)
Pop wrapped in sarcasm.
See all around
Po-faced and glum
Think of nothing
But number one
You can’t stay in setting lotion
You’ve got to climb the stairs
You can’t live without emotion
Show me someone who really cares
I’m never anti-social
I’m never going to be that way again
I’m never anti-social
And that’s the way I want it to stay
Nose to the ground
Head in the sand
Thoughts in the clouds
The party’s in hand
You can’t stay in setting lotion
You’ve got to climb the stairs
You can’t live without emotion
Show me someone who really cares
I’m never anti-social
I’m never going to be that way again
I’m never anti-social
And that’s the way I want it to stay
I will spend and spend and drink and talk and cry
Only after deeds are done will I ask
Why is no-one talking to you?
Move along baby, move along baby, yeah
Original recording:
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