Entertainment

Return the Elgin Marbles

  Ambassador Extraordinary of His Majesty And Minister Plenipotentiary To the Sublime Porte of the Sultan of Turkey Lord Elgin, Lord Elgin, Lord Elgin, Lord Elgin Lord Elgin, Lord Elgin, (That filthy piece of toerag),…

Hear here

Proteus

  Stephen finds his way to Sandymount Strand (Philosophically poetical) He’s too damn anxious, so he lies down (Philosophically poetical) P.R.O.T.E.U.S Proteus Tears tears tears If you like stream of conciousness, stick around (Philosophically poetical)…


The Citizen

  I am known as the citizen An unnamed denizen of Dublin I hold court and hold sway In the pub known as Barney Kiernan’s Some say I’m Michael Cusack Founder member of the G.A.A….


Doing It With It

  Ah look at all the lonely people Ah look at all the lonely people Doing it with it on a computer D’you know that it’s called CAD It’s in 3D They can build houses…


Boooooooooooooo!

Brand new Borrissey album out now. A criminal record to match his criminal record. Tracks: Thicker Than Lulu Axe Me Back Door Boris I Am The Boris Boos, Boris, It’s Boos Telt Shorting The Pound…


King Of The Cringe

  Jeremy Vine for rent To the monarchy or government Just how low can he bow How now can he kow tow Oh ma’am what shall we do Even a raised eyebrow will do I’ll…


Scottish Political Anoraks

  Here are the clinical Unpolished facts For Scottish political anoraks Outside your bubble Nobody cares That you’re taking the trouble To split bawhairs Oh relax, don’t do it, when you want to retweet it…


Brexit’s Yellowhammer

  A political pundit met a physical Bullingdon bully Asking quite politely if they could read A summary So they printed a sterling work of literature Called Yellowhammer Six whole pages, without any pictures Oh,…


Coppers Got a Brand New GrabBag

  Police Scotland have reassured the public by issuing this statement. Carry on: “September is preparedness month. Emergencies can happen at any time and it’s recommended to have a #GrabBag ready containing essential items including…


Leopold Bloom’s Kitchen

  The inner organs of beasts and fowls In Leopold Bloom’s kitchen Relish yer breakfast then move your bowels Leopold Bloom’s kitchen Talk to the cat, then the butcher’s, call in For a pork kidney…