Entertainment

Pearl Clutchers

  Pearl clutchers They are outraged and easily triggered Everything’s toxic Pearl clutchers God knows how they have lasted in this life My job is entertaining folks Singing songs and telling jokes And fucking swearing…

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Gray Day

  In 1982, Janine Jock McLeish’s fantasy Has him conjuring up scenes Some people would call obscene It’s well past midnight As he lies In a semi-conscious state And dreams of Superb, Big Momma And…


Awry

  There was a time I looked up to people Then I grew up and looked down on people Then I thought everyone was equal Except you and you and you and you Now everything’s…


Squint

  Lately, we’ve been going so crazy Lately, nothing seems to be going right So I just discovered a word I Never knew was just used in Scotland The word is squint, squint, squint Squint,…


Know Yer Rights

  This is a public service announcement With guitar Know your rights All three of them Number one You have the right to call out pettiness Stupidity is a crime! Whether it is done By…




Hey Ted Chippington!

  I was walking down the road the other day and this bloke came up to me and said, I wonder what it would’ve sounded like if Mark E Smith and Ted Chippington did a…


Anthea Turner’s Cock

When I was young I looked upon Blue Peter with bright eyes But one day an incident left me traumatised Anthea Turner was presenting an item on keep fit She wore a tight tracksuit I…


Cowdenbeath Goth

  At Cowdenbeath Goth Friday domino winner Was Robbo Jock Moran was disqualified A sinner He chapped when he could play And wee Jimmy Izzat was grannied Wullie Smith had hard lines The rest o…