Pope Francis is a bit down after refusing to respond to claims by a former Vatican diplomat, who has called for him to resign…

My clergy’s done left me
My bishops look confused
I’ve no sons and daughters
And I’ve got the papal blues

All alone in these apartments
Making edicts by the score
When all I want is you, babe
This pope’s sure feelin’ sore

You’re the brightest babe in Rome girl
And I’ve got the whitest smock
I saw you from the balcony
As I stood to bless my flock

But you turned and left me, honey
And went back to your hotel
Now I’m scattering impure thoughts
Across my monastic cell

The papal blues done shake me
Send a fever cross my brow
Cos if those bishops knew my sin
They’d start a holy row

So, I’ll shut St Peter’s church, girl
My evening prayers I’ll cancel
Instead we’ll dance in my basilica
And tango up the chancel

I’ll sit and make you flowers
Carved from candle wax
And thread you fine necklaces
From martyrs’ bones in sacks

We’ll kiss through Armageddon
And prance till the end of time
Choose judgement day to wed on
And damnation for a fine

I’m celibate but I’m through with it
I’ve got enormous papal blues
So get your ass here quickly, girl
And sit on my donts and dos

from the album Imagine There’s No Album by The Sensational Alex Salmond Band feat. Armando Iannucci