Where do Santa’s reindeer shit? It must be in the sky
Imagine walking under it and being hit in the eye
You’d think the streets on Christmas day would be quite a stink

That’s why you’ll always find him on the roof with a shovel

You’d think by now those droppings could have fertilised the earth
Or raised a great big forest or even just some turf
Growing on a pitch, making all our soil rich

That’s why you’ll always find him on the roof with a shovel
You will always find him on the roof with a shovel
You will always find him on the roof with a shovel

Maybe there are people out there paid to catch the crap
As it drops down from the sleigh and catch it in a sack
But I’ve never seen them doing that. Santa’s on his own

That’s why you’ll always find him on the roof with a shovel
You will always find him on the roof with a shovel

Then I heard the reindeers just keep it all in, under control
And just have a huge dump when they all get back to the North Pole

So now I no longer worry about Rudolph’s bowels
If there’s an accident I’m sure Santa’s got towels

He’s done his time on the roof with a shovel
He’s done his time on the roof with a shovel
He’s done his time on the roof with a shovel
He’s done his time on the roof with a shovel

with apologies to Jona Lewie and Keith Trussell

from the album A Christmas Gift For Ye