I wish I was witty, verbose and articulate
But I am shitty, morose and hooked on barbiturates
People say you should get away
Treat yourself to a nice holiday
Do you remember Judith Chalmers?
Holidaying round the earth
She'd usually be in the Bahamas
She gave Scotland a wide berth
We don't get the sun that much
We're out of reach and out of touch
That's the way aha aha
We like it in Edinburgh
chorus
South Queensferry's very nice
Sell your kids and move to Selkirk
But if you want my advice
Get ti Falkirk
Venice has a funny smell
But not as funny as Motherwell
I wouldnae go to Paris if you paid me
Gies a quid and I'll go to Airdrie
I like to just be left alane
Dooferin in my domain
I'm happy just to keep on breathing
At least I don't live in Inverkeithing
