Daily Reckless


I found Jesus on TV
Presenting a show on cookery
He was mixing a lamb with a lion
The critics they had to crucify him

His recipe for fishes and loaves
Had them turning off in their droves
And all of the fans of religion
Agreed he was no Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen

His halo and beard made him look weird
His altar of formica couldn't save a hairy biker

Oh deary deary deary deary me
If this is reality
He'd be better off on Top Gear in a tractor
Cos he just hasn't got the X Factor

He auditioned for Joseph, it was sad
Watching him pretend to be his dad
He's saved Bethlehem, Jerusalem and Jordan
And now he's being consoled by Graham Norton

God has lost his flavour
He's gone and died a death
They say that he's the saviour
Well tell him, save yer breath

He went for a role in Harry Potter
He told them he could walk on the water
But they said he couldnae act, he had no grace
He couldnae even get on Songs of Praise

He failed to get a part on Doctor Who
Or be interviewed by Louis Theroux
So he asked Sharon Osbourne for advice
She said, Black Sabbath - the musical. On ice.


(from the album Idiopathic Hypergraphia)



My Beautiful Ninja
Her Lips Were Made to Kiss Megaphones
Where I Live
666 Great Junction Street
Hard Shoulder
Merciless Eyebrows
Sanity is not Statistical
Gie's Yer Jaiket
I Fought the War (And the War Won)
Dead Cowboy
Carolyn Yes
Chris's House
Hungover and Out
Match Steward
Inscrutable Coupon
The Day We Went To See They Might Be Giants
Michael Cade
Orang Utan
Jesus Hates Me
The Leith Police Dismisseth Us
The Butcher
Zoo Suits
Beyoncé is my Fiancée
That's George Galloway, Son
Of Mince and Men
(Do the) Leith Walk
Bute House Sycophants
Wetherspoons Nights
The Rainbow Song
The Bar is High
Pink Floyd Are Shit
Lost in Franz Ferdinand
Zoinks! A Tenner
Central Belt Blues
Dead Funny
God in a Box
There Was A Rock Critic
Rowche Rumble
Bingo Master's Breakout
Touch Sensitive
Kurt Cobana
Delete As Applicable
When Not To Talk
Radio Reckless
300 Words
Ad Lib
Don't Involve Yourself
The Sound of Music Falling Apart
Itchy Feet
Rainy Friday
Kill Together
The Plagiarist
It's a Long Way Back to Beethoven
Who Takes The Blame
Please Pass The Milk
I Hear The Wind Blow
When It Wants
Mysterious Whisper
The Guy Who Hit Me In The Eye
New Friend
Heimlich Manoeuvres in the Dark
The Frosty Snowman
Hey! Student
Cindy Tells Edinburgh Man
The Littlest Rebel
Living Too Late
Jawbone and the Air Rifle
Do Not Drink The Tennents
Everything Is Catching On Fire
Rock JD
I Don't Understand You
Darkened Corridors
King of the Swingers
Fuck This Shit
Wherever's the Fuckin' Taxi, Cunt?
Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
Flesh Number One (Beatle Dennis)
Listening To The Higsons
Stipetoe In The Rain
Daz For Dania
Mouldy Old D'Oh
Lady McCartney
Tangled Up In Blue
99% of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd
There She Goes
Lashed Christmas
O.C. Clause
Nae Luck Everybody
Parly and Happy
Scary Burd
Love Thy Violence
The First Minister's Dressing Gown
Damaged Red Goods
Thick Cunt
Davie O'Hara
Strange Behaviour
Are You Being Served The Wright Stuff?
I'm Free Range
Aw Fuck, The Police!
Abba Got Back
Walking To Rehab
The Day My Pad Went 9 to 5
And Then?
Funeral Flesh
Accidental Lives
Alex Salmond
Archbishop Desmond Tutu

The Top 20


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