I died on stage last night – it really was abysmal
My case has been referred to the procurator fiscal

I’m going to the comedy school
where they teach the comedy rules
Learn to move the mic stand clear
And say ‘I’m here all week – try the beer’

Help ma boab, it’s such a laugh
At the comedians obedience class

Introduce yourself as a lookalikey
Or the love child of two celebrities

then I got off the bus

ever noticed how
observation’s very ‘now’

are we well?
who can tell?
Is this thing on?
where you from?
what do you do?

I’m going to the comedy school
where they teach the comedy rules
Learn to move the mic stand clear
And say ‘I’m here all week – try the beer’

where do you go to hack comic
when you’re alone in your bed
tell me the heckles that haunt you
the ones that get inside your head
and your heart
and your soul
oh oh oh
knee deep in needy
balls deep in seedy

from the album Dirty Washing by The Foul. Listen here