Dynamic pricing
Artists should have the power
To control the price of their tickets
So they don’t rise by the hour

It’s all just a racket
And I don’t mean the noise
If Paul Heaton can control it
So can the greedy boys

So our hero goes down to the beach
He’s in real terrible shape
His chick’s been seen with Big Alex
That mother kicked sand in his face!
Now, let me tell you about Alex
He’s got hands like hams (Hands like hams)
Knees like trees (Knees like trees)
Two hundred pounds of surfboard Hercules

Ticketmaster, won’t you bring her on back to me?
I lost my girl down by the beach
She’s with Alex and she’s out of reach
So please, Ticketmaster, won’t you bring her on back to me?
Alex got tickets, first in the queue you see
But I’ll pay more and more, fix it for me

Now I’m stronger than Alex
(Where is he now?)
He’s left in disgrace
(Oh yeah?)
‘Cause I took back my girlfriend
(Ha, ha, ha, ha)
And kicked sand in his face
(In his eyes, in his ears, in his nose)

Dynamic Tension
Waiting for you
Dynamic Tension
Make a man out of you

Dynamic Tensheeeeine
Dynamic Tensheeeeine
Dynamic Tensheeeeine

with apologies to 10cc

see also:

Pretty Much Bollocks

In A Kilt In Edinboro