Looking After The One Show

I am on the One Show
I’m wearing my best shoes
My husband Arthur Askey
Is on the couch with me too

This is now what passes
For political insight
Jobs for the boys and jobs for the girls
What a pile of shite

I’ll take the money
I’ll buy the election.
I’m alright, Matt and Alex,
I’m lookin’ after number one.

If I want something I get it
Don’t matter what I have to do
I’ll step on your face, on your mother’s grave
Break any election rules

(repeat chorus)

Don’t wanna be like you.
Don’t wanna live like you.
Don’t wanna talk like you, ooh ooh.
Look at my shoes – they’ve got diamonds in them and everything!

Don’t give me love thy neighbour
Don’t give me charity
Don’t give me peace and love, give me a battle bus
And leopard skin high heels

I am an island
Entire of myself
And Scotland will do what I tell them to
You can take the bins out, I’ll fuck the National Health

(repeat chorus)

Don’t wanna be like you.
I’ll do anything I wanna do

I’m gonna be like
I’m gonna be like
I’m gonna be like MAY!

from the album Caledonia Uber Alles by Half Bam Half Whisky. Listen here

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