Biscuit Tinnitus

 

Kenny came from East Ayrshire
With one overriding desire
To see Half Man Half Biscuit play
And his dream came true one day

He went to see them in Bournemouth
But afterwards he felt really rough
I asked him why he looked so grim
He said he’d stuck his head in a speaker bin

He’s got Half Man Half Biscuit tinnitus
His ears are bigger than Gary Linnekar’s
Which makes it more ridiculous
But he insists it was the Biscuit
Who were the ones who inflicted
His Half Man Half Biscuit tinnitus

The first chord Nigel Blackwell struck
Made Kenny’s ears scream Holy fuck!
His hearing was destroyed that night
And ever since he’s mourned his plight

Now he is an English teacher
With one distinctive feature
He tells kids not to be quiet
But to recite the Trumpton Riots

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