The Reckless staff had an office night out in Glasgow yesterday to see Jilted John, which reminded us of this old school classic:

 

I’ve been going out with a country,
her name is England
But last night she said to me,
‘Have you been seeing Finland?’

(This is what she said)

She said listen Jock, I love you
But there’s this stuff I fancy
I don’t want to lose you,
so let’s be friends just you and me

What’s this stuff I asked her
Money and oil, she replied
Not THAT again, I said dismayed
Yes but it’s great stuff she cried

(We’re more of a nation than you’ll ever be)

Here we go, It’s our oil!

I was not upset so I went,
all the way to the chip shop

When I came out there was Cameron,
standing at the bus stop

(And guess who was with him? Yeah, Johanne Lamont, and they were both laughing at me)

Oh, she is cruel and toothless
So’s Ed Balls and Miliband
Just cos they’re better looking than me
Just cos they’re posh and wealthy

Gideon’s a moron, so is David Cameron
Miliband and Lamont, what a bunch of morons

Here we go, it’s our oil

Osborne’s a slag and Dave’s a creep
And Danny Alexander’s cheap
Alistair Darling thinks he’s tough
Queen bitch is a puff
Yeah yeah, it’s not fair
Yeah yeah, it’s not fair

(I’m not upset)

I’m not upset, I’m not upset, yeah yeah

(I ought to smash someone’s face in.)

(Yeah, but they’re all fitter than me. In’t they?)

(I know, I’ll get my mate Nicola to hit them. She’d flatten them)

(I’m on the same diet as Beyoncé you know)

(Oh well, I don’t care)

I don’t care
I don’t care
Cause she’s a slag and he’s a creep
she’s a tart, he’s very cheap
she is a slut, he thinks he’s tough……