Hi, my name is Mark Francois, (you’re hard, you’re hard)
Behold my genitalia (my genitalia)
My name sounds like it is French (Francois, Francois)
But it’s not, I am hench
A sweaty bulldog in a suit
Half man, half beetroot
I am smug and in rude wealth,
I like staring at Will Self
I am in the ERG,
And I was in the army (at weekends)

Now I fight for the Brexit cause,
And tell Phil Hammond ‘Up yours!’
I’ve got Jacob Rees Mogg’s back,
We should’ve been on Crackerjack (Crackerjack!)
Some say I look like Peter Glaze (Crackerjack!)
Try telling that to the kids these days
I like driving people mad
I think I’m hard, but I’m just sad
Hi, my name is Mark Francois
Yuk yuk yuk fnaar fnaar

I’m as hard as nails I am
Hard as nails I am I am

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