I’m going walking in the hills
To catch a certain pose
Using my well practised skills
Wearing sensible clothes
It’s for a project I’m working on
Called death – don’t overcook it
Looking for the perfect picture for
The front of my funeral booklet

It’s got to be quite natural like
But also kind of naff
Try to capture all my life
In one photograph
Not a selfie or too professional
Not too dry or too droukit
Looking for the perfect picture for
The front of my funeral booklet

Is it a pamphlet or a tract?
A play with just one act?
One thing that’s a fact
There’ll be a blank page on the back

Who’s that at the back
In an inappropriate hat?
I mean you don’t have to look immaculate
But really? You chose that?

Everything they said about me
Was wildly off the mark
Don’t bother reflecting on your mortality
Have a drink, not a think, have a laugh

Thanks to whoever was the one that paid
For my funeral booklet
There are no signed copies I’m afraid

Thank you all for coming anyway
Who’s all going to the after gig party?

Drive carefully

Bye

from the album Howff Music by Half Bam Half Whisky