Doing It With It
Ah look at all the lonely people Ah look at all the lonely people Doing it with it on a computer D’you know that it’s called CAD It’s in 3D They can build houses…
Entertainment
Boooooooooooooo!
Brand new Borrissey album out now. A criminal record to match his criminal record. Tracks: Thicker Than Lulu Axe Me Back Door Boris I Am The Boris Boos, Boris, It’s Boos Telt Shorting The Pound…
Brexit’s Yellowhammer
A political pundit met a physical Bullingdon bully Asking quite politely if they could read A summary So they printed a sterling work of literature Called Yellowhammer Six whole pages, without any pictures Oh,…
Leopold Bloom’s Kitchen
The inner organs of beasts and fowls In Leopold Bloom’s kitchen Relish yer breakfast then move your bowels Leopold Bloom’s kitchen Talk to the cat, then the butcher’s, call in For a pork kidney…
History Is A Nightmare
History is a nightmare From which I am trying to awake God is a shout in the street And Jesus birthday cake Teaching victories Of Pyrrhus of Epirus Cyril Sargent stay behind For arithmetic…
Prorogue Mahone
The minute you walked in the joint I could see you were a man of destruction A real bellender Bad lookin’ unrefined Say, wouldn’t you like to know what’s goin’ on in our minds?…
The Last Fish Supper
As Anstruther Fish Bar wins the best chip shop in Scotland award, we remember that time we enjoyed a religious experience with a fish supper in Fife. I was lost in Fife I was fearful…
When Mark E Smith Met Matt Berry
pic: Pamela Vander Black Paternoster from the album The Gospel According to Matt, Mark, Luke and John Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, Bless the bed that I lie on. Four corners to my bed,…
Imposter Syndrome
In the midst of our own Pointless ruminations, we welcome the First Minister’s acceptance of her existential crisis through the medium of Bowie… Sartre takes a cigarette, puts it in his mouth He ponders…
Fuck Me, I Should’ve Stayed In Shoreditch
I was walking down Princes Street one day When I looked up I saw the rain Fuck me – I should’ve stayed in Shoreditch* I’m at the Edinburgh Festival Trying to avoid the horrible…