I Wanna Marry A Muirfield Member
I want to marry a Muirfield member And keep him company I want to marry a Muirfield member And be his caddy I’ll polish his wood by the light of day And shout Fore! and…
News
Porn Stash
Let the sideshow begin In Japan lived a guy And this man was called Joji Onanism was his bag Till his jazz mags fought back Ever since his balls dropped He played till his eyes…
Sadiq Khan
Sometimes it’s hard to be the Mayor of London I can’t imagine what it’s like in Scotchland I’m not saying your racists Well, not to your faces But really that’s the gist of my cunning…
Compulsive Liar
I flew into space With Ant and Dec and Chevvy Chase I was in a film with Ross from Friends I am the Queen at the weekends I’m Paul Nuttall, compulsive liar My trousers, pants,…
There’s No-one Quite Like My Sister in Law’s Ex Husband’s Nephew
My sister in law’s ex husband’s nephew, we love you My sister in law’s ex husband’s nephew, we do Though you may be far away We think of you There’s no one quite like my…
No To Joy
So farewell United Kingdom You have left us with no choice Pushed the Bill through – no amendments Clearly Scotland has no voice The real fight starts now, so says Corbyn Handing Theresa a…
I’ve Never Seen A Straight Banana
I’ve seen a lesbian kiwi fruit Got a bisexual pomegranate to boot But I’ve never seen a straight banana. Well, I’ve been to the end of the street and back And I own six…
Fratricide
I believe in fratricide I rest my case, don’t cast aside You better believe it I’m Ruth Davidson Take it or leave it, resign to it Fratricide, fratricide Fratricide, fratricide Theresa May is by my…
Oh! The Cinematography
January 2017. Donald Trump has issued a ban on Muslims entering the USA. Outrage erupts and marches are held throughout the world. In Edinburgh, I go on the march to the parliament along with…
Appease Me
Last night I said these words to Donny I hope you’re wearin a rubber johnny C’mon, c’mon c’mon c’mon Appease me oh yeah And I’ll appease you I hope you like the quaich I brought…