A Glaswegian In Kensington Sainsbury’s
“There’s a Glaswegian in Kensington Sainsbury’s…” Somebody wrote in a tweet “…asking security if they’ve seen his parakeet.”
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Don’t Come Back You Wanker
Slip inside the flap of your tent Oh Toto we’re not in Kent Anymore This looks like the Highlands to me Or it could be Elie I don’t really know If they start a…
A Cold Tinny In KG
During the covid I’ve been drinking beer On sunny days I drink outside And you can hear it in my accent when I talk I’m an East coaster in Strathclyde See me walking down…
Lady Bauchle
She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle Now she’s wrapped in ermine Scuttling with the…
Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV
They say listening to Metallica can calm a monkey down But listening to Trump can make a housefly frown He’s just saying words that don’t make any sense Octopus, verandah, look a squirrel on…
Keep The Heid
“It’s in everybody’s interest that we just all keep the heid around this and do the right things.” Keep the heid Keep the heid I was thirsting for a beer (keep the heid, keep…
Eat Out To Help Out
You shall have a fishy on a little dishy Thanks to our wonderful Chancellor Rishi With these vouchers you are really spoiling us But only from Monday to Wednesday, cuz He knows what’ll get…
Peter Pandemic (Wetherspoons Wasteland)
Out there in the fields, fighting for pub meals We’re going back into normal I don’t give a shite, I know I’m right Djokovic and me will be forgiven, yeah, yeah, yeah Don’t cry,…
Cunteryfile
Neil and Nigel sitting in a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G Talking bout nazis and slavery Scintillating commentary For Cunteryfile on BBC Oliver and Farage sitting in a tree Making up their own history Neil says to…
Jimmy Savile Was A Philanthropist
Jimmy Savile was a philanthropist Stick that on your list The next time you decide to defend a statue Try to think it through Why d’you think he felt the need to give away…