Boris In Scotland
Boris in Scotland When will we hear those boos again? If you care so much then Why not stay and pretend You’re drinking whisky Oh, your grasp of detail And soaring oratory Is just…
Politics
Walk The Wark
Kirsty Wark thinks she can talk the talk But Kirsty Wark can’t even Kirsty Wark She tried to make a documentary To frame Alex Salmond on the BBC It’s pretty obvious she thought that…
S.C.U.M.
Well, I’m sitting here looking at the Scottish Tories It’s so sad When you’re Ruth To be telt By Nicola Sturgeon So watch out for acronyms Describing you to a t Scottish Conservative Unionist…
Aberdeen Anguish
Aberdeen anguish Mind yer virus Oh dear, Nicola Sturgeon’s really mad at Aberdeen Now eight of their players have been placed in quarantine They went out for a drink and what do you think…
Lower Than The World
There are people dying We can’t go on Pretending day-by-day Lower than the world Lower than Europe Lower than the Death Star and entire galactic empire There’s a choice you’re making You’re not saving…
Assistant Referee’s Alphabet
A is for Aberdeen – where I was born and my mate Ross Thomson who represents the constituency Aberdeen South following the glorious election of 2017 B is for Bungle – our pet name…
Lady Bauchle
She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle Now she’s wrapped in ermine Scuttling with the…
Carlaw Jackson
And he’s off! He got carried away in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout Talkin’ ’bout Carlaw Jackson What the fuck are you banging on about? Carlaw Jackson, he’s gonna blow a fuse,…
Bollocks!
As Brian Blessed trends again for cursing on telly, we remember his finest swearfest:
Modern Major Orator
I am the very model of a modern major orator I wiffle and I waffle – a great stammerer and stutterer I know the queen of England, and I quote Latin historical My verbal…