Trowels in Laybys
Ever seen a tourist on the road Trying to take a shit outside Ever seen a camper being told To go and take a hike So what is the solution here? The Highland cooncil…
News
S.C.U.M.
Well, I’m sitting here looking at the Scottish Tories It’s so sad When you’re Ruth To be telt By Nicola Sturgeon So watch out for acronyms Describing you to a t Scottish Conservative Unionist…
Simon Cowell’s Bright Red Tits
He’s the music devil incarnate, a self-denying caveman And now he’s got a child. Oh great – is it called Damien? It’s an omen, it’s an omen And his chest hair has got nits…
A Cold Tinny In KG
During the covid I’ve been drinking beer On sunny days I drink outside And you can hear it in my accent when I talk I’m an East coaster in Strathclyde See me walking down…
Aberdeen Anguish
Aberdeen anguish Mind yer virus Oh dear, Nicola Sturgeon’s really mad at Aberdeen Now eight of their players have been placed in quarantine They went out for a drink and what do you think…
Lower Than The World
There are people dying We can’t go on Pretending day-by-day Lower than the world Lower than Europe Lower than the Death Star and entire galactic empire There’s a choice you’re making You’re not saving…
Assistant Referee’s Alphabet
A is for Aberdeen – where I was born and my mate Ross Thomson who represents the constituency Aberdeen South following the glorious election of 2017 B is for Bungle – our pet name…
Lady Bauchle
She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle She’s the lady, she’s the lady bauchle She’s the lady, the lady bauchle Now she’s wrapped in ermine Scuttling with the…
Carlaw Jackson
And he’s off! He got carried away in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout Talkin’ ’bout Carlaw Jackson What the fuck are you banging on about? Carlaw Jackson, he’s gonna blow a fuse,…
Bollocks!
As Brian Blessed trends again for cursing on telly, we remember his finest swearfest: