Desmond Swayne
Desmond Swayne is a strange person He won’t buy clothes, looks like Colonel White Or Freddie Starr He won’t mask up, he will not shop, he’s ragin’ A selfish view, see through baby blue…
Articles by Tommy Mackay
Keep The Heid
“It’s in everybody’s interest that we just all keep the heid around this and do the right things.” Keep the heid Keep the heid I was thirsting for a beer (keep the heid, keep…
Cancelled With Tears In My Eyes
Cancelled with tears in my eyes I’m going hoarse from shouting my unheard cries Cancelled with tears in my eyes Living out a fantasy that no one hears my replies Oh my, I think…
Maskless And Pointless
Maskless and pointless The whole of life is pointless and I don’t know what to do with it I don’t know what I’m doing Updated full fat version of “Reckless And Pointless” from…
Save Live Comedy
Here’s 50 Comedians doing Gavin Webster’s Panda routine… British live comedy is in crisis – let’s #SaveLiveComedy Sign the open letter to the UK government & arts funders at http://savelivecomedy.co.uk Here’s the original…
Eat Out To Help Out
You shall have a fishy on a little dishy Thanks to our wonderful Chancellor Rishi With these vouchers you are really spoiling us But only from Monday to Wednesday, cuz He knows what’ll get…
How To Speak English
A lesson in how to be fluent in your native language and string words together in a coherent fashion.
There’s No Such Thing As A Border
There’s no such thing As a border between England and Scotland Well, what’s that thing Called the Scottish Borders? Aggravated, the blonde spare prick Won’t admit he’s blind and thick Jump up bubble up,…
Meep Meep Meep
I’ll be your Wile E. Cayote I’ll spend a fortune in ACME I will catch that roadrunner I’ll paint a tunnel on a wall Lay seeds and watch him peck And swing down and…
Fucking Press Ups?
Press ups? Get down on your knees Ya pair of dungarees Fucking press ups? Get a grip ya twats Get some yoga mats Ya downward facing dogs It’s the terror of knowing these cunts…